Men, When Choosing A Wife, Don't Underestimate Kindness

Many men spend a lot of time looking for beauty, attraction, intelligence, financial compatibility, sexual chemistry and other qualities when choosing a wife. Those things matter, but there is one quality that I think deserves far more attention: kindness. Marry a woman who is genuinely kind to you, not only when everything is going well, but especially when life becomes difficult. There will be seasons when you are broke, sick, exhausted, unemployed, confused, emotionally drained or dealing with responsibilities that you cannot explain to everyone. During those moments, you will discover the difference between someone who simply loves you when life is comfortable and someone who genuinely cares about your wellbeing. A kind partner does not always wait until you are completely broken before offering help. She notices when something is wrong. She sees that you are struggling and asks what she can do. Sometimes she may not have much to offer, but she still tries to make things a little easier. Marriage should not feel like a courtroom where every act of kindness requires an application. “You didn't ask me.” “You didn't tell me.” “Is it my problem?” Technically, a person can make these arguments, but marriage should involve enough empathy to recognise that the person beside you may sometimes need help before they know how to ask for it. There is also a major difference between having boundaries and deliberately watching your spouse struggle just to prove a point. If your husband is going through a difficult financial period and you have the capacity to help, helping him should not become a battle of pride. If your wife is overwhelmed with responsibilities and you can take something off her plate, you should not need a formal request before doing it. Kindness does not mean allowing yourself to be exploited. It means genuinely wanting the person you married to be okay. Another quality men should pay attention to is discretion. Marry someone who understands that not everything that happens inside a marriage belongs on social media. Your spouse will eventually become vulnerable around you. You will see their failures, embarrassing moments, financial problems, family issues, insecurities and weaknesses. There will be disagreements that neither of you will handle perfectly. Some of those things should remain private. There is a difference between seeking help because you are experiencing abuse or dealing with a serious marital problem and deliberately turning your spouse's private struggles into entertainment for strangers. Be very careful about marrying someone who cannot keep anything private. Today, it may be a disagreement about money. Tomorrow, it may be an argument you had at home. Eventually, your most vulnerable moment could become a WhatsApp status, Facebook post or gossip among people who have never met you. You need a partner who can still protect your dignity even when she is angry with you. The same principle applies to men. Women should also look for husbands who are kind, empathetic and discreet. Marriage cannot survive on one person's kindness while the other person constantly takes advantage of it. Beauty will eventually become familiar. Money can disappear. Attraction can fluctuate. Careers can change. Circumstances can become completely different from what you expected when you first met. Character becomes much more important when the excitement fades and real life begins. When you lose your job, become sick, experience financial difficulties or simply go through a season when you are not at your best, you will discover what kind of person you actually married. You don't want someone who watches you struggle simply because you did not ask. You want someone who notices. You want someone who cares. You want someone who can say, “I can see that you are struggling. Let me help.” Most importantly, you want someone who can help you without later using your vulnerable moment as ammunitio